Emotional Cords & the Nature of Relationships

by Stephanie Vassos

Being human, I’m sure that you can agree that sometimes relationships get messy, especially with people that we are closest to. When we open up and get intimate with others, they tend to have a larger impact on our decisions, our emotions, and even our energy. The beautiful thing about relationships is that with the right knowledge and tools, they don’t have to be so impactful on our lives, while we still enjoy the fruits that they bring to us.

To better understand how energy works in relationships, I’ll start with a metaphor. Imagine every time you meet someone, a green vine instantly attaches you to that person. If you never see this person again, the vine will eventually detach itself, since no energy is being exchanged between the two of you.

Now think about someone you have known and enjoyed the company of for a long time, such as a best friend from high school, your significant other, or a family member – your bonds with this person are strong, and your vine is probably more along the lines of a tree branch that is blossoming with vibrant flowers and leaves from the constant energy that you feed to and nurture the relationship with.

Now, think about someone that you do not have a positive relationship with. It could be an ex-partner, an old best friend, a boss, maybe a co-worker; you might have said a few hateful words towards each other, or maybe you’ve been arguing with them for a couple of years. The tree branch between the two of you probably does not look healthy, meaning it looks like it has some overgrowth, or maybe parts of it will be shriveled up and dead from a lack of energy. If you don’t see this person often, the tree branch will likely look more like a vine.

These vines and tree branches are a metaphor for what actually exist; energetic cords. These energetic cords can be positive or negative, strong or weak, depending on the context and nature of the relationship, and they exist with everyone we interact with, even that cashier that you saw at the grocery store last week.

If you have ever wondered why its so hard to just “get over” a breakup, or why you cried so hard when you and your best friend went your separate ways to college, its because of these energetic cords – they hold a weight on our emotions and our energy. When we get close to people, our cords are strong and they hold lots of energy within them, good or bad, and sometimes a combination of both.

Every interaction between you and people either feeds the relationship with positive or negative energy, and it either nourishes or destroys the piece of nature that is growing between you. Every thought about the people around you has an effect on your relationships as well, making our relationships a lot more delicate than we generally understand; so perhaps next time you want to internally call your boss a bad name for misunderstanding you, you will reconsider, or at least try really hard to do so.

Even if one focuses solely on having positive relationships, we must remember that relationships are a two way street, meaning that the person on the other end of the relationship has an equal effect on the energy in the relationship. This is why relationships with conditions often fail. Relationships require compromise and energy from both parties in order to properly flourish.

An Emotional Cord Cutting is a helpful tool to get rid of the negativity that resides in relationships. Many people question, “is this going to cut the person out of my life?” and the answer is no, it will not cut someone out of your life, only the negative aspects that reside between the two of you. The healing gives both parties an energetic fresh start to build a stronger, and better relationship.

Going back to the nature metaphor, imagine Mister Miyagi, from The Karate Kid, pruning away at his bonsai tree – he is cutting away the overgrowth of leaves and all that no longer serves the bonsai tree. The essence of cutting away all that no longer serves the bonsai tree is an exact depiction of what happens to your relationships during an Emotional Cord Cutting – you cut away all that no longer serves so that your energy can be directed to grow and nourish your relationships!

Consider this metaphor to give you a better idea about how relationships work. Perhaps you may want to experience the Emotional Cord Cutting to support healthy energetic boundaries in your own relationships. Always remember that we are connected to other people and have the responsibility to make sure our relationships are healthy. If our relationship with someone is healthy, there should also be a ripple effect to all of the networks that the other person holds – thus, we can a better build community, one relationship at a time.


Stephanie Vassos

Stephanie Vassos is a Teacher and Life Activation Practitioner with the Modern Mystery School. Stephanie is a graduate from the University of Toronto, a published author of the Gaia Series, and the co-owner of The Middle Pillar. She is a writer, healer, teacher, Youtuber, and a black belt martial artist. In all of the things that she does, Stephanie seeks to bring joy, beauty, and laughter to those around her. Her ultimate mission is to empower people to remember their inner beauty and strength so that they too can create a life full of joy and success.